Category: emo


’11 Regrets

Salamualaikum,

Probably a bit too late but what the heck, “HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!”. 2011 has just passed and now we’re at the big 2012 the so called “armageddon year”. If the world were to end this year then I guess we don’t have much time left now do we? But I suppose as horrifying as it is, thinking about death or reminding yourself about death is a good way to always reflect and repent on what you’ve done thus making you contented with what you have. Isn’t that what life’s about, being contented with what you’ve got. Well that’s up for discussion but I’ll save that for a whole other post later (maybe….)

One thing that doesn’t seem to stop astonishing me right now is the fact that how much time has past by. It seems like only yesterday when I was oh so young and was introduced to London and life as an overseas student. Now three years later, I’m 1 semester away from finishing my degree and stepping forward into a new phase in life. To tell you the truth, I’m totally scared out of my wits thinking about how I’m going to be ending my student life soon and sooner rather than later I have to start thinking about things like finding a job, a car, etc. It’s really a big step and I always get dizzy thinking about it. Im not sure whether I’m ready for it but I suppose whether I like it or not, its gonna happen so better prepare for it and face it like a man. Ahh can’t believe I will no longer be a student. Thinking about it reminds me of a senior who was very dear to me, I remember him saying how short a time period 3 years is and that before you know it you’re going to be graduating soon. I couldn’t really understand back then what he meant and I used to rubbish the thought, I bet you that he’d love to say, “I told you so” straight at my face.

3 years in this place has really taught me a lot of things. Amongst the things that I’ve learnt while I was living here was about regrets. When I first came here, I was dreaming of big things that I wanted to accomplish. I wanted to really delve into the culture, mix and mingle with the locals, learn to dance, try new and exciting things, go crazy and what not. You know the things that you can’t find or usually do when you’re back home. I was really excited and pumped up at the beginning, but somehow or rather I found myself not doing the things that I “planned” to. Things happen as such that I met other friends, and mixed with other people and did other things that we’re completely different from what I though I’d do. Not to say that I wasn’t happy about it, it’s the complete opposite as a matter of fact as I really enjoyed their company and the memories that I’ve gathered while I was here for the past few years will no doubt be some of the fondest that I will cherish till my last breath. But then again, there’s a little part of me that seems to say every once in a while of how things could’ve been if I had chosen alternative actions.

It didn’t really struck me until last year when I was beginning my final semester of how short a time I have left in London and in the UK as a whole and how many things that I haven’t accomplished. It’s while thinking about these things that make you feel regret about yourself and regret is not a good feeling at all. Regrets are amongst the things that I fear most in my life. I hate that feeling of “what if” when I look back on my life and at the things that I could’ve done and what I would’ve been if I did things differently. It’s really vexing every time I think about feeling regretful about my life, and facebook really doesn’t help because when I look at my friends especially the ones that I haven’t met for a long while and when I see how successful they are, where they are now, and then I say to myself, “I should’ve done that” or “she could’ve been with me” or other “loserific” thoughts that would randomly pop into my head and that really rubs salt into the wounds. To be honest, times like that made me feel really unhappy about myself.

I know you’d probably say that, wow thats really ungrateful of me to be thinking of such things when I should’ve look at what I have an be grateful for where I am. In my defense, its easier said than done and that I was clouded in the anger of the moment and what’s worse is that I didn’t really have anyone close that I could talk to about this. But when I calmed myself, and I remember that one Friday when I was at the mosque hearing the khutbah, the Khatib said that life is about feeling contented about what you have. I suppose that if we we’re to always shroud ourselves with questions of what if’s, then we would forever be in cycle of never ending regret and sooner or later its going to eat us up from the inside. Depression would be it, if I were to take it to the extreme. Its times like these when you need to have strong faith and friends and family to help support you. I try to keep reminding myself that whatever that has happened, happened for a reason and that God sets our lives such that what happens to us is what’s best for us. It’s about perspective and looking at things from a different angle. Ultimately if about being contented and grateful for what we have in our lives. Regret is like chocolate, it’s okay once in a while because it helps you reflect on things and make to strive to become better. Too much chocolate and you’re going to end up fat or worse depressed and sulky the rest of your life and life is to short to be wasted just like that.

The bottom line I suppose is try to have a better or more positive outlook in life and always try to be grateful. It;s difficult yes but it’s worthwhile because it makes life so much less stressful and much more cheerful. Trust in Allah and InsyaAllah you’ll be fine, but gotta remember to put some effort as well cause if not nothings gonna happen. I hope that whenever I will regretful in my life later on, I can come back to this post and remind myself how during a cold winter night at 3:44 am just me the laptop and mythoughts & feelings. Wow what a way to start your first post on the new year right haha, anyways hope whoever reading this keeps warm and healthy and thanks for reading the stuff that I write done. Really appreciate it 😉

Happy 2012, may Allah bless us always and may we be those that are always grateful and contented with what the Almighty has give us.

Please Don’t

I want to cry right now
I want to cry because its so hard
I want to smile like the last time…

Sky

The sky looks so bright and blue today,

Wonder if it’ll stay the same when i go away,

i really hope so,

but blue skies don’t last forever,

cloudy days and pouring rain are likely so,

but they too don’t last forever,

as sunshine shall creep in with its mighty glow.

so may it be sleet, snow, sand, or come any such weather,

I sincerely pray and hope that i won’t falter,

hope i give my best till i can’t go no further,

or till i’ve reached heaven’s gate

in the hereafter……..

What does it mean…

What does it mean to love somebody?

To truly and whole heartedly love someone, how does it feel like?

Is it when u can stop thinking about someone and have sleepless nights?

Or like having butterflies in your stomach at the thought of meeting her/him

That nervous feeling when you’re on the phone hearing that persons voice

Or when tears fall down thinking of the pain that person is going through

When a smile creeps in when she/he is happy

When ur whole body n mind are exhausted thinking of ways to help that person

Or when that person becomes the object of our dreams

When you care for that person more than anybody even yourself

And when the phrase, “I’m happy when you’re happy and I’m sad when you’re sad” applies in your life

Or is it when you’re willing to do anything for that person; “I’d take a bullet for you, if thats what it takes”

Argh is this love?

Or is it just words and games?

If it is, then just put a bullet through this heart. Why? Cause i think that i love you…… Maybe

help me remember to forget

Help me interpret this dream;

I dreamt about someone from the past, of whom I had a close bond with.

That person looked healthy, cheerful and full of life which made me smile

That person however, is one that I would like to forget

because i’d like to move forward and not trying to cling on to the past.

How eh? What do you think it means? I dunno either…

They say that dreams convey the things in your mind, for example when your exam results are coming you start to worry about it and sometimes you begin to dream about it during your sleep. You’ll get that nightmare where you FAILED your exam and it so vivid that you wake up with cold sweat. However dreams are not to be interpret easily as it has it own complex web of reasoning to which only the dreamer would totally grasp. Currently Im grasping nothing but thin air..

What’s worse ( well not worse lah, just to make it sound better ), is that on the next day due to the advancement in technology, that person appeared on facebook. Coincidence? Cruel fate? You be the judge, but it makes the process of trying to forget seems so much harder. Why do i want to forget? was what we had before embarassing? No, it’s not embarassing to have that feeling of affection towards someone and for that someone to portray her similar feelings back to you. Just that time has passed and people have changed, and what little once was beautiful has withered to nothingness.

If there was anyone to blame it would be the person who’s heart was indecisive not the person who stole her affection. My regret is not having to say what should have been said a long time ago. However there’s no use crying over spilt milk, no use trying to forget someone as that important in your life. Instead of forgetting, we should learn to go with the flow and accept change. There’s always a reason why things happen the way it did and only Almighty God knows why. With that, the best way is to cherish the fond memories of youth and to learn from the mistakes that had occured because life goes on…

” I wish you well and happiness in the days to come always”

PS: This entry is purely “fictional” with nothing to do with the living nor the deceased. Simply done to fulfill my desire to write. Please do not misunderstand 🙂

Unconditional

Its been quite some time already but my dear uncle “Cik Nuar” has finally tied the knot after 30 years of waiting

The man of the hour!!

The man of the hour!!

Big day for him as the majlis pernikahan was done very smoothly, in one shot i might add haha

the happy couple with mummy :)

the happy couple with mummy 🙂

Although not many from our side of the family were able to attend the wedding, I’d say everything went well

simple hantarans

simple hantarans

My dad was so proud of Cik Nuar and so was Mummy who cried during the wedding,

proud ayah

proud ayah

The majlis was simple, xde bersanding pape pon just after the nikah kitorang makan sesame as a family

So beautiful to see how they both love each other unconditionally,

unconditional love

even though my uncle has his own shortcomings and problems before, you can see that despite that she loves him dearly,

I hope that live a happy life together forever.

WAITING.FOR.MY.UNCONDITIONAL.LOVE.&.LETTER. 😀

my eyes are red

Its 5.41am,

I’m alone in the room,

staring straight into my laptop screen,

and somehow rather,

I can’t stop the tears from flowing down my cheeks.

How often do we think about death? Me personally the answer seems to be; very rarely. I live my life in a somewhat carefree manner because as long as i’ve lived i have always been healthy. A few times i was admitted to the hospital for minor problems and diseases but all in all im a healthy person. And being so tends to lead me to feel nonchalant about life because your lucky to always feel comfortable and in the safe zone.

But as they say “life is like a ball, sometimes we’re up the next time we’re down.” Today you might be healthy and as fit as a fiddle but you never know what’s going to happen tommorrow, maybe you’ll be diagnosed with a fatal disease and have a limited period of time left in this world, you never know. We don’t know how lucky we are to be in the condition we are today, healthy, able to walk, play, hang out with your buddies and enjoy that what life has to offer. There are people out there who aren’t as fortunate as we are, those for example who are diagnosed with breast cancer and are only 24 years of age. How would you react if the doctor told you straight to your face that you have only 1 month to live?

We on the other hand are living the life, healthy, normal as you call it , able to live it up everyday without a care in the world. We’re given something so precious by God, and yet everyday we continue to do sins. How does that tally with what God has given to us? Without Him we are nothing, and I often seem to forget that. So i would like to remind myself and others that everyday, no every second if possible we should be thankful to God for all of his blessings to us. Always muhasabah everyday to see what we’ve done wrong and to try to “upgrade” ourselves to become a better person.

PS: try watching this video hopefully it helps remind us how fortunate we are

.SYUKUR.

Do you feel it?

“when somebody loves you,

everthing is beautiful”

I got this from an old animated movie maybe you guys havee heard of it its called “Toy Story 2”, i really love animated movies, i’ve been watching them since i was a kid not just because of the beauty of the graphics but also because of the many moral values that they try to portray in the films.

However thats another story all together, a few days ago i was given th oppotunity to go to Singaopre with a few mates just to kick back and have fun. It was a very interesting experience going to another country with your mates, its very humbling and it teaches you a lot of things travelling does. So i was in souvenier shop browsing for stuff that i wanted to buy for my two siblings back home. It was nothing fancy just a keychain with some pictures of Singapore on it. When my siblings got the keychains they were quite ecstatic, like going “Thanks abang! i really like this one!”.

The reason behind me buying those little trinkets for my lil bro and sis was out of love. Logically if you loved someone you would buy them something of give them something to show them that you love him/her. And it doesn’t have to be on any particular day like on her birthday or during fathers day, sometimes you just decide to give them something just because you feel like it right. So in essense giving someone somthing can be seen as a sign of love right?

It is fundamental that human beings want to love and feel loved in their everyday life. Love is one of the most powerful forces around. It has the capacity to change man, it can be used as a driving force for man to achieve the impossible and push man to his very limits. So the million dollar question is, do you feel loved? Everyday you wake up from bed and do your daily routines, do you feel love? regardless of whether your in a relationship or not do you feel loved?

If answer is “No” then stop what your doing right now. Take a few minutes to pause and look at the sky, just look at it and marvel at the beauty of the sky. Its even more beautiful during the night time with twinkling stars  accompanied by the moonlight. Now do you feel loved? Well you should, because such splendor in something so simple like the sky is all given to us by God for us not to just look but to think as well. You can feel Gods love if you look closely in all of His creation in this world, ask yourself what have we done to deserve such beauty and magnificence from the Almighty?

If you want feel God’s love, you have to be observant of your surroundings. Observe the beauty of the diversity of the human being, or the many species of wildlife available here on earth. We need to step back and take a breather, try to slow down from the fast paced and hectic lifestyle that we live in and just look around. Travelling will definitely help, going to beautiful places such as Rhedang Island can really open your mind to the wonders of the world. It’s a real shame because many people don’t truely realise it but we are constantly being loved by God and for that we need to be grateful.

We don’t just look at the sky anymore do we?

PS: pardon the colours i was just trying them out, sorry if it hurts the eye huhu

kalau esok ade…

Taken from JUJU feat Jayed “if tommorrow comes”

I won’t leave with a goodbye
Because I’ll see you everytime I close my eyes

Don’t say it, I still want to feel your touch
If you say it, I feel like I’ll fall apart
So all I could do is feel the warmth as I held your hand

Time won’t stop and will tear us apart someday
I want to watch you more and hold you in my arms forever
Time is slipping away

Don’t cry, we have a little more time left together
And there’s still something I want to tell you
Though I find it hard to put into words, stand by me

If I was only born so that we could meet
Then I want to remember every moment in my heart
Even if it’s just for a second more
Let me stay by your side

If tomorrow comes then I don’t need anything
I just want you to keep on smiling, forever more

Saya hendak……..

jadi lebih baik,

seorang abang yang lebih baik,

seorang anak yang lebih baik,

seorang lelaki yang lebih baik,

seorang muslim yang lebih baik,

If there is ever a right time to start to change into a better person, its now.