Probably a bit too late but what the heck, “HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!”. 2011 has just passed and now we’re at the big 2012 the so called “armageddon year”. If the world were to end this year then I guess we don’t have much time left now do we? But I suppose as horrifying as it is, thinking about death or reminding yourself about death is a good way to always reflect and repent on what you’ve done thus making you contented with what you have. Isn’t that what life’s about, being contented with what you’ve got. Well that’s up for discussion but I’ll save that for a whole other post later (maybe….)
One thing that doesn’t seem to stop astonishing me right now is the fact that how much time has past by. It seems like only yesterday when I was oh so young and was introduced to London and life as an overseas student. Now three years later, I’m 1 semester away from finishing my degree and stepping forward into a new phase in life. To tell you the truth, I’m totally scared out of my wits thinking about how I’m going to be ending my student life soon and sooner rather than later I have to start thinking about things like finding a job, a car, etc. It’s really a big step and I always get dizzy thinking about it. Im not sure whether I’m ready for it but I suppose whether I like it or not, its gonna happen so better prepare for it and face it like a man. Ahh can’t believe I will no longer be a student. Thinking about it reminds me of a senior who was very dear to me, I remember him saying how short a time period 3 years is and that before you know it you’re going to be graduating soon. I couldn’t really understand back then what he meant and I used to rubbish the thought, I bet you that he’d love to say, “I told you so” straight at my face.
3 years in this place has really taught me a lot of things. Amongst the things that I’ve learnt while I was living here was about regrets. When I first came here, I was dreaming of big things that I wanted to accomplish. I wanted to really delve into the culture, mix and mingle with the locals, learn to dance, try new and exciting things, go crazy and what not. You know the things that you can’t find or usually do when you’re back home. I was really excited and pumped up at the beginning, but somehow or rather I found myself not doing the things that I “planned” to. Things happen as such that I met other friends, and mixed with other people and did other things that we’re completely different from what I though I’d do. Not to say that I wasn’t happy about it, it’s the complete opposite as a matter of fact as I really enjoyed their company and the memories that I’ve gathered while I was here for the past few years will no doubt be some of the fondest that I will cherish till my last breath. But then again, there’s a little part of me that seems to say every once in a while of how things could’ve been if I had chosen alternative actions.
It didn’t really struck me until last year when I was beginning my final semester of how short a time I have left in London and in the UK as a whole and how many things that I haven’t accomplished. It’s while thinking about these things that make you feel regret about yourself and regret is not a good feeling at all. Regrets are amongst the things that I fear most in my life. I hate that feeling of “what if” when I look back on my life and at the things that I could’ve done and what I would’ve been if I did things differently. It’s really vexing every time I think about feeling regretful about my life, and facebook really doesn’t help because when I look at my friends especially the ones that I haven’t met for a long while and when I see how successful they are, where they are now, and then I say to myself, “I should’ve done that” or “she could’ve been with me” or other “loserific” thoughts that would randomly pop into my head and that really rubs salt into the wounds. To be honest, times like that made me feel really unhappy about myself.
I know you’d probably say that, wow thats really ungrateful of me to be thinking of such things when I should’ve look at what I have an be grateful for where I am. In my defense, its easier said than done and that I was clouded in the anger of the moment and what’s worse is that I didn’t really have anyone close that I could talk to about this. But when I calmed myself, and I remember that one Friday when I was at the mosque hearing the khutbah, the Khatib said that life is about feeling contented about what you have. I suppose that if we we’re to always shroud ourselves with questions of what if’s, then we would forever be in cycle of never ending regret and sooner or later its going to eat us up from the inside. Depression would be it, if I were to take it to the extreme. Its times like these when you need to have strong faith and friends and family to help support you. I try to keep reminding myself that whatever that has happened, happened for a reason and that God sets our lives such that what happens to us is what’s best for us. It’s about perspective and looking at things from a different angle. Ultimately if about being contented and grateful for what we have in our lives. Regret is like chocolate, it’s okay once in a while because it helps you reflect on things and make to strive to become better. Too much chocolate and you’re going to end up fat or worse depressed and sulky the rest of your life and life is to short to be wasted just like that.
The bottom line I suppose is try to have a better or more positive outlook in life and always try to be grateful. It;s difficult yes but it’s worthwhile because it makes life so much less stressful and much more cheerful. Trust in Allah and InsyaAllah you’ll be fine, but gotta remember to put some effort as well cause if not nothings gonna happen. I hope that whenever I will regretful in my life later on, I can come back to this post and remind myself how during a cold winter night at 3:44 am just me the laptop and mythoughts & feelings. Wow what a way to start your first post on the new year right haha, anyways hope whoever reading this keeps warm and healthy and thanks for reading the stuff that I write done. Really appreciate it 😉
Happy 2012, may Allah bless us always and may we be those that are always grateful and contented with what the Almighty has give us.