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’11 Regrets

Salamualaikum,

Probably a bit too late but what the heck, “HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!”. 2011 has just passed and now we’re at the big 2012 the so called “armageddon year”. If the world were to end this year then I guess we don’t have much time left now do we? But I suppose as horrifying as it is, thinking about death or reminding yourself about death is a good way to always reflect and repent on what you’ve done thus making you contented with what you have. Isn’t that what life’s about, being contented with what you’ve got. Well that’s up for discussion but I’ll save that for a whole other post later (maybe….)

One thing that doesn’t seem to stop astonishing me right now is the fact that how much time has past by. It seems like only yesterday when I was oh so young and was introduced to London and life as an overseas student. Now three years later, I’m 1 semester away from finishing my degree and stepping forward into a new phase in life. To tell you the truth, I’m totally scared out of my wits thinking about how I’m going to be ending my student life soon and sooner rather than later I have to start thinking about things like finding a job, a car, etc. It’s really a big step and I always get dizzy thinking about it. Im not sure whether I’m ready for it but I suppose whether I like it or not, its gonna happen so better prepare for it and face it like a man. Ahh can’t believe I will no longer be a student. Thinking about it reminds me of a senior who was very dear to me, I remember him saying how short a time period 3 years is and that before you know it you’re going to be graduating soon. I couldn’t really understand back then what he meant and I used to rubbish the thought, I bet you that he’d love to say, “I told you so” straight at my face.

3 years in this place has really taught me a lot of things. Amongst the things that I’ve learnt while I was living here was about regrets. When I first came here, I was dreaming of big things that I wanted to accomplish. I wanted to really delve into the culture, mix and mingle with the locals, learn to dance, try new and exciting things, go crazy and what not. You know the things that you can’t find or usually do when you’re back home. I was really excited and pumped up at the beginning, but somehow or rather I found myself not doing the things that I “planned” to. Things happen as such that I met other friends, and mixed with other people and did other things that we’re completely different from what I though I’d do. Not to say that I wasn’t happy about it, it’s the complete opposite as a matter of fact as I really enjoyed their company and the memories that I’ve gathered while I was here for the past few years will no doubt be some of the fondest that I will cherish till my last breath. But then again, there’s a little part of me that seems to say every once in a while of how things could’ve been if I had chosen alternative actions.

It didn’t really struck me until last year when I was beginning my final semester of how short a time I have left in London and in the UK as a whole and how many things that I haven’t accomplished. It’s while thinking about these things that make you feel regret about yourself and regret is not a good feeling at all. Regrets are amongst the things that I fear most in my life. I hate that feeling of “what if” when I look back on my life and at the things that I could’ve done and what I would’ve been if I did things differently. It’s really vexing every time I think about feeling regretful about my life, and facebook really doesn’t help because when I look at my friends especially the ones that I haven’t met for a long while and when I see how successful they are, where they are now, and then I say to myself, “I should’ve done that” or “she could’ve been with me” or other “loserific” thoughts that would randomly pop into my head and that really rubs salt into the wounds. To be honest, times like that made me feel really unhappy about myself.

I know you’d probably say that, wow thats really ungrateful of me to be thinking of such things when I should’ve look at what I have an be grateful for where I am. In my defense, its easier said than done and that I was clouded in the anger of the moment and what’s worse is that I didn’t really have anyone close that I could talk to about this. But when I calmed myself, and I remember that one Friday when I was at the mosque hearing the khutbah, the Khatib said that life is about feeling contented about what you have. I suppose that if we we’re to always shroud ourselves with questions of what if’s, then we would forever be in cycle of never ending regret and sooner or later its going to eat us up from the inside. Depression would be it, if I were to take it to the extreme. Its times like these when you need to have strong faith and friends and family to help support you. I try to keep reminding myself that whatever that has happened, happened for a reason and that God sets our lives such that what happens to us is what’s best for us. It’s about perspective and looking at things from a different angle. Ultimately if about being contented and grateful for what we have in our lives. Regret is like chocolate, it’s okay once in a while because it helps you reflect on things and make to strive to become better. Too much chocolate and you’re going to end up fat or worse depressed and sulky the rest of your life and life is to short to be wasted just like that.

The bottom line I suppose is try to have a better or more positive outlook in life and always try to be grateful. It;s difficult yes but it’s worthwhile because it makes life so much less stressful and much more cheerful. Trust in Allah and InsyaAllah you’ll be fine, but gotta remember to put some effort as well cause if not nothings gonna happen. I hope that whenever I will regretful in my life later on, I can come back to this post and remind myself how during a cold winter night at 3:44 am just me the laptop and mythoughts & feelings. Wow what a way to start your first post on the new year right haha, anyways hope whoever reading this keeps warm and healthy and thanks for reading the stuff that I write done. Really appreciate it😉

Happy 2012, may Allah bless us always and may we be those that are always grateful and contented with what the Almighty has give us.

You

You,
Make me feel like the luckiest person alive,
The first person I see when I wake up,
The last one before I go away,
The answer to my lonely nights & my empty days.

You,
Are the remedy to an aching heart,
The spring after the winter cold,
Like a swimming pool in the summer heat,
I fall for you like autumn leaves,
No words enough for what you mean to me.

You,
Whose eyes like stars in the dark sky,
Your smile like medicine when I’m sick,
Whose hugs are the warmest,
Whose hands fits mine,
My shoulder to cry on,
When times were tough,
You helped me carry on.

You,
The one that i’m saving the best for,
Who makes my heart flutter,
Makes my steps lighter,
The apple of my eyes,
Holds the key to my heart.
The other half of me,
You complete me.

You,
Will you promise to be by my side,
Hold my hand,
And grow old together,
Love me forever,
For longer than forever.

You,
I promise,
I will do anything for you,
If you promise the same too,
If I end up in heaven,
I won’t want any angel,
I only want you,
It always has been,
It always will be,
Only you.

Growing Up

Nowadays life’s getting very tiring, so much work to do, so many responsibilities. How I wish I was a kid again, no problems, no worries, just fun and games all day. I guess thats what you get when you grow up huh.

Ya Allah, please guide me in the straight path and make things easy for me in the future. Only to you I ask for forgiveness and strength. Amin…

Midnight Rambling

Bismillah

Assalamualaikum, how’s it going guys? Hopefully everyone’s doing ok wherever you are. Its 12:16 am now and I’m alone in my room, everyone else is watching Santau or something. I chose not to watch it hehe, not my cup of tea basically I prefer not to have myself scared or screaming like a little girl late at night, but hey if thats your kind of thing then by all means…..

I was reading my lil sister’s blog just now and i was quite amazed with the vocab she was using i mean she seriously has talent in writing albeit maybe not serious jurnalism like kinda writing but she’s good nonetheless. Never fails to make me laugh that one, hope she’s doing well with everything hehehe. She hopes to be a doctor so I’m hoping she does good enough to continue her dream. If not then well, one door closes and others will be open so no worries kay lil sis😉

Thinking bout her plight really makes me think about where I am right now. I was recently browsing aimlessly in facebook as im sure many of you are used to doing, and I took some time to catch up on what my schoolmates are currently doing. If you must know, I bumped into my primary schoolmate last week at the careers fair. We chat a bit as I was all too busy looking for an internship opportunity. So thats when i had the urge to checkout on my old mates. To my amazement lots of them are doing great, some are already working with big names like Pwc & Citibank, others are studying medicine, accounting, economics and what not, you name it. Looking at them and comparing them with yours truely, I can’t help but to get a mix of emotions. At one point Im happy that they’re doing so well in life and at the same time I can’t help but to feel sad for myself. Its not that im not grateful for what I have, its just that I don’t feel like I’m living enough. Sounds depressing isn’t it, yeah I guess its one of those days when you feel like nothings going your way. I call em my “emo days” kahkah

I want my existense in this world to mean something you know. I want to be able to contribute positively to the people around me, not just a normal person working at the office from 9 to 5 everyday clocking in and out of work. I seriously can’t picture myself working at the office, hopefully i’ll get an intership so I can test run so to speak huhu. Im not meaning to say that office work nor that actuaries don’t contribute to society don’t get me wrong its just that I can’t get my head around the big picture yet. Haih you know don’t mind me I’m just rambling stuff thats probably not meaning anything haha

I guess I’m bummed out at rhe fact that I’m not doing what I thought I would do; pilot. Yeah my eyes wouldn’t allow me. So i choose myself into this area which altough has its lows also has taught lots of valueble things. So yeah, a but down but hey its just one of those days i guess and i needed an output, so Im sorry you had to read this😛. Gotta take my mind off things and focus on finishing what I started. Lets go with a positive attitude in life and pray that Allah gives us the best i. This life and the hereafter hehe. Till next time, peace out haha😉

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Listerine

Salam,

Just got back from Uni just now, I tell you 4 hours of Contingencies is no good for ur brain bro. Luckily we had a break in between for some lunch (went to Dixy’s hahaha) kalo x mmg aq muntah nombor ar kat lecture tadi huhu.

Anyways, I went to the 99p shop near my place because we were running low on supply of goods at home. So me being the responsible housemate that I am, I went there to get some stuff and one of them being Listerine. Haha ni nak cite skit, aq bought listerine ni sbb nk jage oral hygiene skit, don’t want those bacteria to make holes in my mouth lah snang cite. I find it very important that we take serious care of our oral hygiene because that way it’ll be easier for us to smile and for the others to accept our smile, kan senyum tu satu sedekah.

But lets think beyond the norm, its not enough to just take care of our outer condition ie our oral hygiene but its also important to take care of our inner hygiene. When we talk we (im not saying all, but most probably a lot) usually use a lot of vocabulary that are not nice to listen to. Kalau back home tu for example perkataan “bodoh”, “syal” dll byk digunakan sebagai penyedap pada akhir sentence. Here its far worse with locals using the Fish word if u know what im saying. I guess to a certain extent, we can’t blame it on the individual because maybe its due to the environment, the society at large or even peer pressure, not to mention negative influence from the media. But you can’t put aside the fact that words like that aren’t easy on the ears.

On the other hand, it amazes me how easily the brothers from my university can utter such nice words like, subhanallah, alhamdulillah etc and include them in their sentences. I know it sounds a bit awkward to us but u can’t deny its pleasing to the ears and im pretty sure it soothes the heart. Don’t take my word for it, instead lets try it out shall we? Try inserting some words that praise Allah in our conversations and lessen on the “penyedap kata” as much as we can. Start with small steps and try to make a difference ok keke.

use listerine before its too late hahaha

– Speak as how you would like others to speak to you –

 

 

Walking

Salamualaikum
Once again, its been a while since i’ve blogged and if u’ve read (or are still reading) this lame excuse for blog then u might realise that I’ve been busy with uni work to sit down and write something decent. Fact of the matter is, thats not a good enough excuse for anything; if u can make time now, then u won’t be able to do so anytime soon in the future when life gets real busy. Food for thought i suppose huh….

Anyways, this time my writing to u comes in a different method so to say. No im not writing on a new macbook nor an ipad (i wish though haha tsk2..), im actually writing from Finsbury Park!! Haha hard to believe kan? No not really tht hard when u have an iphone an a wordpress app on it😛

Well i was just bored sitting at home so i decided to take a little stroll around the housing area, sooner or later i found myself on this bench and i got the sudden urge to write something.

You know its amazing how some fresh air can be so revitalizing for u. Here i am sitting here (alone unfortunately) gazing on the wonders that is the creation of All Mighty Allah. It amazing how when u think about it, that everything fits just ncely from the breeze that blows softly inducing trees to dance and how the animals an people can walkabout peacefully not to mention u can see the warmth and love of families gathered at the park for their evening stroll. It makes you think of how very small u are and eventhough small we still fit and mean something in the whole complex and yet beautiful creation that have been gifted to us :’)

Im just jabbering about really but if there was something that i wanted to say to u ( if anyone’s reading this keke ) is that be thankful for what u have may it be family, friends, good health etc and take some time to gaze upon the world around u coz u’ll be amazed at what u find. Then again wht do i know right haha. Food for thought😉

PS : did u see the supermoon, reminds me of Bruno Mar’s “Talking to the moon” song, so jiwang jang bluekkkk hahaha. Salam

Best Days With You :)

mp3 ilang

You Don’t Know What You Got Till Its Gone

😥

things are so screwed up…..

Please Don’t

I want to cry right now
I want to cry because its so hard
I want to smile like the last time…

Sky

The sky looks so bright and blue today,

Wonder if it’ll stay the same when i go away,

i really hope so,

but blue skies don’t last forever,

cloudy days and pouring rain are likely so,

but they too don’t last forever,

as sunshine shall creep in with its mighty glow.

so may it be sleet, snow, sand, or come any such weather,

I sincerely pray and hope that i won’t falter,

hope i give my best till i can’t go no further,

or till i’ve reached heaven’s gate

in the hereafter……..

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